Hi FreeWilly,
I feel for you, man. I went through a very similar situation 10 years ago. My ex cheated on me a couple of times. After the first time, I had a real problem trusting her. She "acted" like she was sorry, but after the second time, with a different guy, she was out. I've never regretted my decision to divorce her. It was the best thing I ever did. Now I'm remarried to a Catholic woman, and I have a beautiful baby boy. Had I stayed with the first wife and tried to work things out (over and over) I would not be where I am today-happy.
As for elders, they will crawl out of the wood work and try to get involved. They thrive on this kind of thing. It makes them feel important. DO NOT LET THEM GET INVOLVED! I cannot stress this enough. My ex was living with another guy at the time the elders got involved, and they were telling me that I should forgive her and get back together. They insisted that I had no proof she was sleeping with him. What a bunch of idiots! By the time the meetings were over, they had DF'd her for smoking, (not adultery) and told me that they would have to consider what kind of discipline was appropriate for me. Mind you, I had done nothing wrong. After 6 months they decided to start up again with this issue and insisted that I meet with them. I told them that my life was none of their business, and that I didn't need their "scriptual divorce". It ended up a 45 minute shouting match right in the coat area of the KH. I told the one jackass elder that he was an idiot, and that he had no clue how to handle a case like this. He was pretty worked up, and I was hoping that he was going to shove me. I was ready to "clean his clock" right in the hall.
After selling my house, I moved to an apartment, and another hall. The elders there wanted to meet with me to find out what was going on with my divorce. I refused to meet in the hall, but allowed them to come to my apartment. I explained the situation at which point the younger idiot elder started to chastise me for my disrespectful attitude toward these other idiot elders. The meeting was over in a big hurry. I asked them to leave, and told them that I would never speak to them on the subject of my divorce again.
It never came up again, but word got out fast and nobody would talk to me at this new hall. The elders would see me, and turn their backs. The average rank and file treated me like I was DF'd.
It wasn't long after that I was done with the cult.
Sorry for rambling, but I thought another similar experience might help you to see what may be coming down the road.
Best of luck.
Stan